There's enough religious threads here, let's have one for religious jokes.
The reason I put this here is it's bound to start some "friendly feuding".
I'll start..
The Pope arrives in Cleveland and there's a limo waiting for him. The Pope approaches the limo driver and says "My son, I've been driven everywhere I go. Just once I'd like to drive myself." The limo driver hands over the keys and gets in the back. The Pope takes the limo and drives off.
Since the Pope has never driven before, he's speeding, bumping into things, running lights etc. and gets pulled over by the police. The Pope rolls down the window, and when the officer sees who it is, he gets on the radio.
"Dispatch, I have a VIP, need advise"
"Officer, who is your VIP?"
"Umm, I don't know, but the Pope is his chauffer"
.
John Wilken
2002 Cavalier
2.2 Vin code 4
Auto
OK, here's another one...
Jesus goes to the pearly gates to give St. Peter a break. His first visitor is an old man, haunched over shuffling along. Jesus, being new at the job, asks the man about his life to decide if he's worthy of entry into heaven.
The old man says "I only had one son. He was a very special boy who could perform miracles. He died in his prime."
Jesus is amazed, he looks at the old man and says "Dad, is that you?"
The old man struggles to look up, squints his eyes and says "Pinnoccio?"
.
John Wilken
2002 Cavalier
2.2 Vin code 4
Auto
A Catholic Priest, A Rabbi, and a Protestant Minister walk into a bar.
Bartender says "Is this some sort of a joke?"
Old one:
A priest a minister and a Rabbai meet and discuss how they're going to divide up their flock's money between the church/temple and charity.
The Priest says: We'll draw a circle on the ground, throw the money way up in the air and what ever falls inside the circle is what we give to charity
The Minister says: No no... We'll draw a circle on the ground, throw the money way up in the air, and whatever falls outside the circle is what we give to charity
The Rabbai says: Oi vey, let's just throw the money up into the air, and what God wants, he keeps.
Transeat In Exemplum: Let this stand as the example.
Another old one...
Q: How was the first copper wire invented?
A: Two Jews fighting over a penny.
.
John Wilken
2002 Cavalier
2.2 Vin code 4
Auto
Did you hear about the new car they are developing in Israel?
Not only can it stop on a dime, it can go back and pick it up
Edited 1 time(s). Last edited Monday, October 02, 2006 3:31 PM
I may run 18s, but I can do your taxes in 10 seconds flat.
This one is bad....
Jesus is on the cross and begins to yell for Peter.
"Peter, come to me"
Peter runs through the crowd, pushing his way to the foot of the cross.
"Yes, my lord?"
"Peter", Jesus says "Peter.... I can see your house from here"
.
John Wilken
2002 Cavalier
2.2 Vin code 4
Auto
A navy plane spots an uncharted island in the middle of the ocean. They see smoke coming from the island and send a boat to investigate.
When they arrive, they find an old Jewish man is alone on the island. He has built a home, a restaurant and two temples. When asked he said that he needed a home to sleep in, a restaurant to eat in and a place to worshop.
The navy officer asked him why he built the second temple.
The old Jewish man replied "Ugh, I don't go to THAT one!!"
.
John Wilken
2002 Cavalier
2.2 Vin code 4
Auto
Teh Thread Merger wrote:GAM (The Kilted One) wrote:Old one:
A priest a minister and a Rabbai meet and discuss how they're going to divide up their flock's money between the church/temple and charity.
The Priest says: We'll draw a circle on the ground, throw the money way up in the air and what ever falls inside the circle is what we give to charity
The Minister says: No no... We'll draw a circle on the ground, throw the money way up in the air, and whatever falls outside the circle is what we give to charity
The Rabbai says: Oi vey, let's just throw the money up into the air, and what God wants, he keeps.
Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha
Yep
Transeat In Exemplum: Let this stand as the example.
There is a Catholic church across the street from a Jewish Synagogue. The priest and the rabbi are always trying to compete with one another. One week the Catholic church gets a new sign. The next day, the synagogue gets a new sign. The next week the church buys the priest a new car. The next day the synagogue buys the rabbi a new car. The following week, the priest takes holy water and blesses the car. Not to be outdone, the rabbi comes out and cuts a piece of the tailpipe off.
I had something really funny to put here but it was too long.
Here are some to spice things up:
That's almost as bad as the one I heard about the Dyslexic devil-worshipper.
He sold his soul to Santa.
What's the difference between New Age and Pagan?
About $500.00 a weekend.
I'm sure you are all familiar with the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac who stays
awake all night wondering if there is a Dog....
The definition of "SAINT":
"A dead liberal who is worshipped by living conservatives."
When God Created Man
She must have been Drunk and Horny!
How many wiccans does it take to change a lightbulb???
None -- if a candle was good enough for Gramma it's good enough for me!
What is one thing you never have to worry about?
Your airplane being hijacked by a group uf radical Unitarians.
Also, I heard something before about a modern Wicca who used a vacuum cleaner
instead of a broom and a 30-06 instead of a knife (hey, it's still phallic!)
How many Druids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
They don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in stone circles.
How many Druids does it take to change a light bulb?
Thirteen; one to hold the bulb, and twelve to drink enough to make the room spin.
How many ceremonial magicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One; he stands still with the bulb, and the universe revolves around him.
How many Thelemites does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Crowley never wrote a book about it.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
- A skeptic goes in to see a fortune teller.
"You are the father of 2 children," the fortune teller says.
"That's what you think! I'm the father of 3 children!," says the man.
"That's what you think," says the fortune teller.
Ankh if you love Isis!!
Did you hear, Easter is canceled this year........yeah, they found the body.
Easter is when they crucified jesus, and put him in a cave. three days later he rose again on easter sunday. when he came out of the cave, he got scared by his shadow, went back in, and they had 3 more months of winter!
What do ya' call 13 Witches in a hot tub?
- Self-Cleaning Coven
Best thing about Pagan friends? They worship the ground you walk on...
Some of them are groaners, i know...but what the hell--why let the Monotheism Big-3 have all the fun?
Goodbye Callisto & Skaši, Hello Ishara:
2022 Kia Stinger GT2 AWD
The only thing every single person from every single walk of life on earth can truly say
they have in common is that their country is run by a bunch of fargin iceholes.
A Priest, A Minister and a Rabbi are debating the meaning of life.
The Priest says that life begins when a child is concieved.
The Minister says life begins when a child is born.
The Rabbi says no nO NO! you've got it all wrong... Life begins when the kids move out and the dog dies!.
-Chris
