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The World-Wide Church of Whatever - Politics and War Forum

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The World-Wide Church of Whatever

Sunday, July 23, 2006 6:14 PM on j-body.org

It's come to my attention that there are a lot of people that feel that religion will solve everything, and that there is nothing, I REPEAT NOTHING that God, Gods, ants/blueskinned women with 6 arms/dude with an elephant head/etc, or Fiction writers hasn't made a plan for.

Well, I hate to say it, but there is just WAY TOO much of this peace-loving religious war sh*t happening.

I'm starting my own church:

THE WORLD-WIDE CHURCH OF WHATEVER

Here's the basic dogma of the church:
- We're all ass holes, probably living like ass holes, and more than likely most of us will die like ass holes.
- Those of us that are going to have to die will probably never learn what incredible ass holes we are
- Those of us that are going to live forever will probably never learn that they're eternally ass holes.
- Thus, maybe instead of being ass holes to each other, we try and be nice to each other at least once a day.
- Don't stress that you're not being an ass hole to the right or wrong person, but that by NOT being an ass hole, you'll make someone else's day a little better and maybe they'll reciprocate to others.
- Don't force your ass hole ideas on other people, that's rude.
- Don't turn away those ass holes that are interested in learning about your religion, calisthenics, electro-boxes or dried up jasmine petals.
- Don't hate people because they're a different religion, hate them for what they do, because you're an ass hole too.

I ask that you send me ABSOLUTELY NO MONEY... EVER!!! Only a complete ASS HOLE would want you to send them your money for telling you something that you can read for free, or just do.

I ask that you worship whatever God, Gods, Animals, Plants, or Fiction Writers you please.... DON'T CHANGE A DAMN THING ABOUT YOUR RELIGIOUS IDEALS, only change your ass hole actions once in a while.

The WWCoW has only one phrase because a book is annoying to have to lug around:
"Try and not be an ass hole today."

Okay.. there's a shorter one:
"Be good for once."

Meetings are whenever you want to attend, in my living room, but if it's after 10:00 pm EST, you're being an ass hole, and I may be an ass hole back and not let you in, but if you're lucky, I'll decide to do my good turn for the day and let you in for a bit so you can get whatever it is off your chest. If I'm not home, you can wait.

I'm not giving you a prayer line, no donation line (no money transfers hands here), no books to read, no junk to buy, no other crap to do, except: Don't be an ass hole at least once a day.

Let's see if we can get this thing going.

No, this is NOT A JOKE.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edited Sunday, July 23, 2006 6:21 PM

Transeat In Exemplum: Let this stand as the example.

Re: The World-Wide Church of Whatever

Sunday, July 23, 2006 6:23 PM on j-body.org

RaiLS

Are you....

Are you.......

Are you calling me an @!#$?

Great idea, but just like the potato in my poorly sealed potato gun, it will never get off the ground.

Why, you ask?

Cause @!#$s don't give a flying @!#$. They are @!#$s after all.

But, I will offcially become the first member of said church. I have been trying my best and have not "flamed" someone as of yet. Or at least I don't think I have. All I can do, brother GAM, is keep on working on it.

Team GREEN
Suspension Division - "Handling Before Horsepower"
Making the turns since 1999
1998 EK Civic Hatch - Yes, it's a Honda.

Re: The World-Wide Church of Whatever

Sunday, July 23, 2006 6:24 PM on j-body.org

RaiLS

BTW, your church has nothing against pr0n, does it?

'Cause if it does, I'm out.

Team GREEN
Suspension Division - "Handling Before Horsepower"
Making the turns since 1999
1998 EK Civic Hatch - Yes, it's a Honda.

Re: The World-Wide Church of Whatever

Sunday, July 23, 2006 9:36 PM on j-body.org

John Wilken

Gam, EVERYONE is an ass hole to someone if you look at it the right way.

There's that ass hole riding my bumper because he wants to speed, but I can't go any faster because I'm already tail-gating the car in front of me, and he just won't go.

There's the ass hole cashier who groans when I count exact change so I don't have to carry a pocket full of coins, but to her I'm an ass hole for slowing down her line and blowing her chances for being "cashier of the month".

Not that I don't like the WWCoW, but what sparked this interest in becoming a prophet of "anti-@!#$dom"?

And I vow to do my best not to be an @!#$ to anyone tomorrow.

.

John Wilken
2002 Cavalier
2.2 Vin code 4
Auto

Re: The World-Wide Church of Whatever

Monday, July 24, 2006 6:13 AM on j-body.org

RatZero

http://www.ulc.org/ - all you need in a church, Skip and I some others whom I forget have been ULC ministers for years.

Re: The World-Wide Church of Whatever

Monday, July 24, 2006 6:40 AM on j-body.org

GAM (The Kilted One)

RaiLS:
Awesome, Welcome.

And no, nothing against whatever you're doing, just do it, and try not to be an ass hole once each day.

John:
That's a given, I'm not trying to eradicate ass-holedom in one fell swoop, Jesus tried that and he got turned into wall art/sign post. I'm not that radical nor that motivated.

I'm just trying to turn the volume down on the religious crap that's happening, by small increments, but still, less noise is better noise. What sparked it? A few things:on Friday afternoon, I got visited by Jehovah's witnesses, Saturday, my Grandma died and the funeral was on Tuesday whereupon I was unkindly asked to take the sacrament of the Eucharest even though I've been protestant my whole life (My family is split protestant/catholic but it's never been a problem until now), and found out that the Scientologists were having their "Stress-Test" "clinic" at the local mall on saturday, and handing out their Xenu flyers... I'm not a big fan of pushing idealogy or religion on others.

Rat:
Yeah, I did the ULC thing in College so I could be a chaplain and get a bit of extra money. I never went beyond that really... At best, I'd compare with Shalom in the Home, but without the jewish expression of peace.

Transeat In Exemplum: Let this stand as the example.

Re: The World-Wide Church of Whatever

Monday, July 24, 2006 7:04 AM on j-body.org

Glace

All I want to know is........what's you stance on polygamy???

______________________________________________________________

ToBoGgAn wrote:we are gonna take it in the ass and like it, cause thats what america does.

Slo2pt2 (Projekt Unknown?) wrote:One my SON is ADHD N.O.S and Autistic Spectrum Disorder. I will nto medicate him he will battle throught this himself and learn to control it.

Re: The World-Wide Church of Whatever

Monday, July 24, 2006 7:56 AM on j-body.org

Adam Asmus AKA Smus...unique I know

Wooo...member number...what...4?

Anti-@!#$!

Stay strong brothers and sisters

Re: The World-Wide Church of Whatever

Monday, July 24, 2006 7:58 AM on j-body.org

Adam Asmus AKA Smus...unique I know

How do you pronounce it.

Like
"Wha-cow"
or
"Double-you double-you see oh double-you"?

Personally, I like Wha-cow

Re: The World-Wide Church of Whatever

Monday, July 24, 2006 8:03 AM on j-body.org

John Wilken

Sorry to hear about your Grandma.

.

John Wilken
2002 Cavalier
2.2 Vin code 4
Auto

Re: The World-Wide Church of Whatever

Monday, July 24, 2006 8:04 AM on j-body.org

Keeper Of The Light (LordKOTL)

Unfortunately, assholiness begets assholiness. Just about any religion, be it holy or not, will become assholy.

Thus, GAM, while your ideals may be good, Like Buddha or Jesus Christ, It will be your followers that *Will* severely screw your religion over.

Just promise me you won't lose a shoe or touch a gourd. Nothing but bad can come after that.

Goodbye Callisto & Skaði, Hello Ishara:
2022 Kia Stinger GT2 AWD
The only thing every single person from every single walk of life on earth can truly say
they have in common is that their country is run by a bunch of fargin iceholes.

Re: The World-Wide Church of Whatever

Monday, July 24, 2006 8:41 AM on j-body.org

GAM (The Kilted One)

Glace:
Polygamy? If you like geometry that much, knock yourself out.

Other than that, the church doesn't encourage it, but it doesn't deny it either... Mo' women, Mo' Problems, if you can deal with that and your original religion permits it, enjoy (it's not about religion in WWCoW, it's the reduction of ass-holes)

John:
Thanks.

Adam:
WWCoW, COW! or Matt's Circus if you need shorthand.

Keeper:
I'm trying to reduce the ass-hole content of the world a little bit at a time, it's not the religion, just a church... if that makes sense at all.

But in that vein, I don't fondle gourds after I misplace a shoe... but I'll bear you in mind if the situation arouses.

Transeat In Exemplum: Let this stand as the example.

Re: The World-Wide Church of Whatever

Monday, July 24, 2006 9:05 AM on j-body.org

RaiLS

This Matt's Circus, I'm curious does it or is it flying?

Team GREEN
Suspension Division - "Handling Before Horsepower"
Making the turns since 1999
1998 EK Civic Hatch - Yes, it's a Honda.

Re: The World-Wide Church of Whatever

Monday, July 24, 2006 11:03 AM on j-body.org

GAM (The Kilted One)

Flying? No... I'm not that creative...

My walk isn't very silly,
I abhoar Spam,
I'm not a lumberjack, but I'm okay,
And I knock if I'm not expected... at least so I'll be announced.

Transeat In Exemplum: Let this stand as the example.

Re: The World-Wide Church of Whatever

Wednesday, July 26, 2006 5:55 PM on j-body.org

FReQ Z

I try to be nice to myself, at least once a day.
it helps stress levels, you know.

I'm nice to my girlfriend, when she deserves it. it pretty much occurs everyday.
I'm nicer to her after we've been drinking for awhile.

so, my questions: who do we ask for forgiveness of our ass hole-ish ways? and how often?
when's the Sabbath?
if I eat a ton of jalapenos, chili, hotsauce and other such rectal-antagonizing foodstuffs, is this considered a sin? is anal sex considered being nice to an ass hole? or just being mean?

will you call me Brotha FReQ? it rolls off the tongue quite nicely.

Desert Tuners

“When you come across a big kettle of crazy, it’s best not to stir it.”

Re: The World-Wide Church of Whatever

Wednesday, July 26, 2006 7:30 PM on j-body.org

GAM (The Kilted One)

Your answers:
- You don't, you just try and make nice once a day even if someother @!#$, dick or pussy deserves it, that's all the penance you need for the church.
- Whenever you want it to be if you're not in an organised religion, or whenever the religion says it is.
- No, but if you can deal with the aftermath, good for you

- Anal sex depends on the ass-hole you're f*cking.
- No, but if want to call yourself that, knock yourself out with it.

Transeat In Exemplum: Let this stand as the example.

Re: The World-Wide Church of Whatever

Wednesday, July 26, 2006 7:52 PM on j-body.org

John Wilken

Gam's WWCoW saved me from being an ass hole today. Here's the story...

Last weekend I painted flames on the front of my car. Pics are in the "photos & media" section, and the general concensus here is that "they suck". But that's not the point, I did the paint work, and even if you don't like it, it's still my car.

Today was the first time I took the car anywhere, I wanted to make sure the clear coat was fully cured. 15 minutes in a store, and I come outside to find a nice fingernail gauge taken out of one of the flames. I guess someone wanted to see if they were painted or decals, but either way it would nick and remove material.

Rather than fly off the handle, I thought of Gam's thread here, and didn't let some ass hole turn ME into another ass hole. I kept my cool and reminded myself that I painted it once, I will paint again. My raison d'etre isn't to "get even" with anybody, although I'd have given him a quick boxing lesson had I seen it happen.

The person who did this to my car will never own anything nice and probably has tiny little shrivled up raisins in his levis, so why let him turn me into an ass hole?

Thanks, Gam!

.

John Wilken
2002 Cavalier
2.2 Vin code 4
Auto

Re: The World-Wide Church of Whatever

Wednesday, July 26, 2006 8:46 PM on j-body.org

RaiLS

Good LORD!!! AMEN, Brother! Praise whatever!

Team GREEN
Suspension Division - "Handling Before Horsepower"
Making the turns since 1999
1998 EK Civic Hatch - Yes, it's a Honda.

Re: The World-Wide Church of Whatever

Wednesday, July 26, 2006 8:50 PM on j-body.org

GAM (The Kilted One)

See?

It works

And you didn't even have to send me a dime.

Paint nicks suck, but, it's a fact of life. Maybe the ass-hole that did that will figure it out, maybe they won't, but if the don't, they'll just get uptight about somethings else, and it'll make their life a little harder...

You're welcome John.

Transeat In Exemplum: Let this stand as the example.

Re: The World-Wide Church of Whatever

Saturday, July 29, 2006 4:44 AM on j-body.org

SiZZy

When I die, do I go to the great big pussy buffet in the sky?

If so, I'm in.

Re: The World-Wide Church of Whatever

Saturday, July 29, 2006 8:10 AM on j-body.org

GAM (The Kilted One)

I couldn't tell ya Sizz... That's between you and whomever.

I'm just trying to clean out the ass-hole population and change the world, I'm not doing a thing about religion.

Transeat In Exemplum: Let this stand as the example.

Re: The World-Wide Church of Whatever

Saturday, July 29, 2006 8:40 AM on j-body.org

meckster

Im in

Im an @!#$ through and through

Re: The World-Wide Church of Whatever

Saturday, July 29, 2006 11:28 AM on j-body.org

RaiLS

teh GAM wrote:I couldn't tell ya Sizz... That's between you and whomever.

I'm just trying to clean out the ass-hole population and change the world, I'm not doing a thing about religion.

I got a good chuckle with that comment. It also inspired me to create the official WWCoW logo, with your blessings, that is.

Team GREEN
Suspension Division - "Handling Before Horsepower"
Making the turns since 1999
1998 EK Civic Hatch - Yes, it's a Honda.

Re: The World-Wide Church of Whatever

Saturday, July 29, 2006 6:45 PM on j-body.org

John Wilken

^^^ LOL! Now THAT'S funny!

John Wilken
2002 Cavalier
2.2 Vin code 4
Auto

Re: The World-Wide Church of Whatever

Sunday, July 30, 2006 3:45 AM on j-body.org

GAM (The Kilted One)

OMG!!!!

That's funny. Christ got nailled up on a crucifix, I guess I could take one for the home team..

Dan: you're missing your calling! Neither looks anything like me, but that's funny!

Transeat In Exemplum: Let this stand as the example.

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